2 min read
How Childhood Trauma Shapes Core Beliefs — and How Counselling Can Help
If a missed text or a “quick chat” with your boss hits harder than it should, an old childhood wound may be part of the story — and counselling can help you find it.
Today we had the chance to talk with Vishrutha Satish, a registered psychotherapist (qualifying) based in Toronto, who has joined us before for a series on dopamine, addictions and phone use. We talked about how difficult experiences in childhood can leave behind core beliefs that quietly shape how we react as adults — and what you can do about it today.
Key takeaways
- Children learn what to believe about themselves from the adults around them. Young children depend on caregivers for everything, so they tend to assume the adult is always right. When a child is repeatedly yelled at, shamed or overlooked, they can come away with beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not lovable” or “I’m not safe to say what I feel.” Vishrutha notes these beliefs can come from anyone around a child — and sometimes from no one’s fault at all, such as frightening medical experiences.
- Old wounds can show up in today’s reactions. A manager asking for a chat, or a friend who doesn’t text back, can set off a wave of panic, shame or rejection that feels far bigger than the moment. Vishrutha explains that the brain is a pattern-recognition device: it predicts the present using painful patterns from the past. Many people in this place quietly wonder whether something is wrong with them — when what they’re feeling is an old wound being touched.
- Some patterns are easy to miss. Childhood wounds don’t always look like trauma from the outside. Vishrutha describes how a child who wasn’t allowed to feel angry may later struggle with anger that builds up and spills over, and how believing “I’m not safe to say no” can lead to people-pleasing. Even very accomplished people can carry a deep sense that they don’t deserve good things.
- Understanding the source makes room for self-compassion. When you can see where a reaction comes from, it becomes easier to treat yourself kindly instead of with more shame. As Vishrutha puts it, a small wound that was touched again and again can become very sensitive in adulthood — it makes sense that it still hurts.
- What working on this in counselling can look like. A counsellor can help you gently explore your early relationships — whether you felt safe, accepted and free to express emotions — and notice the beliefs you formed along the way. From there, approaches like CBT (weighing the evidence for and against a belief such as “I’m not good enough”), EMDR or psychodynamic work can help. Between sessions, journaling about moments that hit hard can help you get thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
You don’t need to know exactly where your feelings come from to start. At Free Counselling Society Canada, you can explore childhood experiences and the beliefs they left behind with a counsellor at your own pace, for up to 12 free sessions. Free one-on-one counselling is available to anyone in Canada — reach out when you’re ready.
100% free · up to 12 sessions · we reach out within 5 days
Related: Trauma & PTSD Self‑Esteem & Confidence One‑on‑One Adult Counselling · See all conditions
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