2 min read
What to Talk About Before Becoming Parents, for Free Couples & Family Counselling
The conversations most couples skip before having a baby — about values, labour, and expectations — and why having them early can prevent years of resentment.
Today we had the chance to talk with Brittney Larsen, a mental health counsellor based in Nelson, BC, who works with individuals, couples, and families. We talked about planning for the transition into parenthood — not the birth plan or the baby gear, but the harder conversations about identity, values, and how labour gets divided at home, which most couples don't have until they're already exhausted.
Key takeaways
- Talk about values before you talk about logistics. Before deciding to have a child, it helps to talk about what matters most to each of you and what parenting looked like in your own childhoods — people often default to the strategies they grew up with, whether or not those still fit.
- Wanting children isn't something to compromise on. If one partner doesn't want to be a parent, that's a fundamental difference, not something to be talked into. Getting honestly on the same page matters more than reaching a quick decision.
- Division of labour often shifts without either partner noticing. Roles can quietly fall into old or “what I saw growing up” patterns — and the partner carrying the invisible mental work (schedules, appointments, what the baby needs) can start to feel resentful if it's never actually discussed.
- Scorekeeping never resolves it. Relationships aren't 50/50 — some weeks are 60/40, some 80/20. What actually prevents resentment is feeling heard and appreciated, not a perfectly even split of tasks.
- Practicing communication before a baby arrives pays off later. Couples tend to have the same handful of arguments, in different forms, throughout a relationship — learning to navigate them together early sets the whole family up for less conflict down the road.
Wherever you are in the process — planning a family, expecting, or already deep in the parenting years — these conversations are never too late to have. Free Counselling Society Canada offers confidential couples and family counselling to anyone in Canada, at no cost.
100% free · up to 12 sessions · we reach out within 5 days
Related: Couples Counselling Family & Co‑Parenting Counselling · See all conditions
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Yes — every session, completely free. Our volunteers are never permitted to charge you anything: no fees, no “reduced rates”, no admin costs. It’s our founding mandate. If anyone ever asks you for payment, please tell us right away at TeamLead@FreeCounsellingCanada.ca.
Everyone in Canada. We see individuals, couples, and families of all backgrounds, political affiliations, genders, and sexual orientations. Our counsellors are trained to support every life stage — from children all the way through to seniors. We are feminist, antiracist, and LGBTQ+ allies.
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We reach out within 5 days of your request. Once you’re matched, your counsellor phones you within 3 business days to arrange your first session — so keep an eye out for a call from a number you don’t recognize.
Up to 12 free sessions with your counsellor. You set the pace together — weekly or biweekly is common at first. If you need fewer, that’s completely fine too.
Most sessions happen by phone or video call — whichever feels more comfortable to you. We also offer free in‑person counselling at 30 Powerhouse St, Toronto ON and 445 Mountain Hwy, North Vancouver BC; just choose it on the request form.
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